This week's #TeachingsTuesday is part two of a three-part series offered by our friend, Jenn Smith of Tlowitsis. Gilakas'la Jenn. <3
"Trauma travels through families until someone is ready to feel it and heal it. If not healed, trauma seeps, hurting everyone in its path. The damage is not worth what is lost, which is self-esteem, self-love, health, wellness and stability.
After surviving the impacts of generational, genocidal waves of colonialism, what do you do when your trauma dies? The death of my trauma – Bill – has been heartbreaking and life changing.
Letter to heaven
You hurt me, you hurt our daughters. You hurt everyone in your life. Why?
I know why and it hurts me to understand it, when you never did. I know you were hurt in the most awful ways an innocent child can be hurt. You were tortured. I believe that’s when your soul needed protection and instead you learned to numb the pain because it was too painful to face.
I find myself thinking back to better times when we met. I think back to who I was, who you were and what brought us together. I still don’t really know, but however awful it got, I know it was fate because out of it all we’ve brought two resilient, beautiful souls into this world.
Your journey has brought you to the spirit world and I do hope that peace has found you. Now it’s time for the rest of us to health from you.
I forgive you Bill and I forgive myself for my mistakes.
I am grateful for our daughters. I am grateful for healing.
The healing has finally begun. I used to refer to my trauma as ‘Jungle of trauma’ because that’s what it felt like - a jungle - overwhelming and consuming. So what do you do when your trauma dies?
You heal. You mourn. You overload on self-compassion, then heal some more through an ‘Ocean of Healing.’"